Hey, sluts. I'm Jonathan.

I'm Jeanette.

We're two old high school friends, current.

Geriatric millennials who took different paths living in different gardening zones.

I'm 6, 8.

And I'm 42D. Sorry, I mean 8B.

We eventually found ourselves in the same place.

On our knees in the dirt, obsessed.

With plants, ready to gush and bitch about gardens.

Think of us as your green besties.

We're here to talk about plants, but not in the usual pre te. Do this grow.

That way you may know as much as we do.

Or you may not know the difference between chokeberry and chokecherry.

Coming to you from Salem, Oregon, in.

The usa and a rooftop in Montreal, Quebec, Canada, where plant slats. Wear plant slats.

I feel like it needs a little. Hey, slots, let's share our garden status updates.

I think this is the first time that I've actually harvested enough of anything to preserve it. So. Hascaps. I talked about that last time. Haskap berries. I have tons. So many that I decided to make jam out of it. Oh, I made, like, five little jars of jam. Next time I see you, Jeanette, I'll give you. I'll give you a jar.

I want to be on the exclusive list. Like, Meghan Markle sent out to her celeb friends. Did you see that?

No, no.

Something like, to promo for her new show, she made some jam, and she only sent it to 50 people, and it was numbered. All the celebrities were, like, posting it on their Instagram.

And also cherries. So again, I have. This is, like, the first year that I have tons of cherries on my tree. I have, like, a cherry tree in the front. And I guess I'm wondering, like, what do I do with them? I have three giant kind of, like, tubs of cherries. Oh, wow. And I actually, this morning, I was looking through all of my different books to be like, what can I do? What can I do? So I don't know. Jeanette, if you have any suggestions on what I should do with it, you.

Can make a pie mix that you don't actually bake the pie yet and then have it ready jars for when you make the pies.

Yeah, I think that's what I'll do. Maybe I'll make, like, a couple little things. What about you? How's your garden going? What's your garden update?

Well, I had a crazy week, actually. Away from my garden. I went to Oregon State University's Summer Agriculture Institute. It's a program for teachers to kind of just Give us some good, like, propaganda about the Oregon agriculture industry. Sorry, not propaganda. What's the word? No ideas to incorporate into our lessons. And it's for teachers that don't teach agriculture so that we can kind of add it into what we teach.

It's very Oregon, I think.

Where I work, the labor side of agriculture is very well known. And so agriculture has become kind of like a taboo thing to offer at school because people think of it more as labor. So even going just like an hour south and meeting all the farmers and people in different positions in the industry, it was pretty interesting. It was a whirlwind week, though. It's like agriculture boot camp. We had to stay at the dorms. And I was not the only one. 40 year old. 41 year old. Like, I wasn't the oldest person there. And so all these adults were at these dorms.

Like, you had to share a room.

A dorm room, not a room.

Okay. Thank God.

Thank God. Because it's like, I have a credit card. I will just go to the hotel and I live an hour away. I'll just go home. No, we didn't have to. It was like a suite. So there's three rooms and you share a bathroom. And then there's bathrooms in the hall also. So. Yeah, the water pressure in the shower was like. Like spittle. Anyway, the first day in the classroom, we had a guy come in from OSU and talk about GMO crops and why GMO is, you know, here to help everyone.

Oh, okay.

You'll see. Throughout the week, everyone had their idea of what is true. It was very interesting to meet people whose livelihoods depend on something like the GMO crop guy was talking about. You know, he had this picture of this village in India, of course, as you must, where they farm. I don't remember what it was, but they don't have to spray as many pesticides, so they're healthier and happier because their GMO crop. For those listening, John's eyes just rolled to the back of his head, to his brain. If you have thoughts about it.

I don't know what to say about that. I mean. Oh, yeah. I mean, what do the farmers in India think about that? But I mean, in this case, if they're spraying less, does that mean what? That it's one of those crops where the, the pesticide is incorporated into the, like, tissue of the plants? Like, do you know?

Yeah, that would. I have no idea either. Like, that would be interesting. I think this one was Monday morning. It was one of the first presentations and I was still just like, tired and drinking coffee and like, what did.

I just hungover from your frat party the night before. Right, because you're staying in the dorms. Exactly.

Yeah. And then the Oregon Master Gardener program had two presenters, and that was really cool to hear more about. Apparently every state has a master gardener program and it's based on different universities, so Oregon State Universities, Oregon's. They should be available to help you with any of your gardening questions for free. You can always reach out to them. Search it up online.

I actually have subscribed to OSU's newsletter. It's been like a couple years. I don't know how I came across it. And it's actually really useful. I mean, of course it's like more in line with the Pacific Northwest schedule, but they have like. Yeah, they have so many resources. Videos, seminars, and that kind of thing. I think it's part of their Master Gardener program that they have all this free material. Yeah.

Okay. Then we went to like a fertilizer chemical factory and that guy said that, like. Well, he did explain the. What is it? Mpk.

Nitrogen, phosphorus and potassium.

Yeah, I always get it confused with cmyk.

Your design background.

He, you know, he went over that and we were all like, vibing. And then he's like, and pesticides. And then like, you know, the guy from California is like, wait, what? And it was interesting he said that. And I swear he said this. It was proven because they did a study that the people who spray the pesticides have less cancer than like the average person.

Okay.

Yeah.

So it's actually helping them fight cancer. Is that what he's saying, that the pesticides work against.

I don't know. I don't know. I just. So I just hope I heard it wrong. You know, I'm hearing impaired. I'm deaf in my right ear. And so I just hope I didn't hear what I heard. Then we went and we went out into the middle of nowhere, into this field, into this ditch. And we met this professor, James Cassidy, who's obsessed with soil. So it's this man with this big like VW van with like posters taped all over it. And we get out of the bus and he just starts talking about why soil is like the most important thing and like how we come from soil and this is just a temporary time until we become soil again. And then he went over, like the layers in the soil because they dug a big like 8 foot scoop out of the earth. And he talked about how the grass is like on this top level and how many microorganisms are in each part of the soil. And, you know, talked about the soil down below and how it hasn't been like, it hasn't seen light in millions of years. He talked about how the Willamette Valley was formed with the glaciers and floods and how where we were standing used to be the bottom of a lake. It was interesting in that to make me think, oh, my God, I'm such a bad teacher. Because he was so engaged and in love with what he was teaching. And I thought to the times that I'm teaching about either photography, design, and I'm just like, you know, very flat and like, I'm like, I need to like, jump out in the classroom with a weird hat and like, just like scream about how important photography and design are. And that's my plan for next year. But it was interesting learning about the soils. And soils came back over and over with every industry we looked at. So that guy was fun. He was a real. Like, someone said he was a vibe. Then we went to a grass seed farm and he walked us around and we saw his big old tractors that he has to modify to get the grass seed. The tour was two and a half.

Hours of the grass seed place, two.

And a half hours of the grass seed place.

And this is grass for, like, for feeding, like, cattle and stuff?

It's for the seed.

Oh, just for the seed.

Just for the seed.

Right. Okay.

I'm sure they do something with the grass.

What happens with the seed? They sell it to. They sell the seed to grass growers.

Yeah, it's just for people's lawns, I think.

Really?

No, I don't know if it's just lawn grass. I think it is. I stopped paying attention. I'm telling you, it was two and a half hours. I don't know what happens at the end. I was the only person to ask for a chair. Cause she had chairs. And in the middle of like, it was sunny. It was really hot. Really sunny. Everyone's standing behind the tractors for shade.

It's. Cause it's all grass. It's the problem with grass is it doesn't give you shade.

We were actually on cement. I was. And we're just standing. We're not walking. So I really needed a chair. And everyone else, once I got the chair, you know, I felt like, oh, I'm like, you know, the most old disabled lady that needs a chair. But I was watching people's feet. Once I sat down, everyone who refused the chair and they're going from One foot to another to relieve, like, the stress in their knees and hips. They're stretching. They're doing, like, isometric heel lifts. Everyone was so jealous. But they. They wouldn't break down and have the chair because then you had to carry the chair on the tour. We went to an organic dairy farm. It was like this old man, and he's, like, giving the farm to his son. Lots of generational wealth in the. In the farming industry and nepotism. You cannot break into that industry. They have it, like, clutched with their K. He really. It was interesting to see the organic dairy farm because, you know, just seeing how the cows were treated and they were all just hanging out in the pasture. They seemed fine. We went up and, you know, talked to them, took their pictures, talked to the cows. The most interesting part for me as a plant slut was when he went onto the grass and he pulled up grass and he made us answer if it was a weed or on purpose. And everything was on purpose, specifically some short root grass and longer root grass. And he talked a long time about curly dock, which cow farmers typically don't like. But if you plant it with plantain and chicory, they will eat it because the bitter profile is something they get used to. He also talked about how curly dock has really long roots, so it helps to keep the soil aerated because of the long holes in the soil.

Yeah. Curly duck is actually in our urban environment. It's like it grows along the side of the road and within cracks and stuff like that. And you can. You can harvest it and eat it.

Oh, nice. He. Because he took some of the plantain, and I had known this, but you can use it medicinally as well. He said you, like, chew it up and put it on, like an insect bite, or you can use it for, like, sunburns. So there was a girl there with a sunburn from the seed factory, and I asked her if she wanted me to chew some up, and she did not. She didn't even want it. Her loss. We went to a hazelnut orchard. So there's hazelnuts everywhere in Oregon. Some people call them filberts. And I guess in their industry, there's a big joke. What's the difference between a filbert and a hazelnut?

Oh, okay, hold on. Let me see. I mean. I mean, I kind of think I know because they're two different. I mean, this. The actual, like, straight, non funny answer is like, one of them is what you would refer to as the European hazelnut, and the other one is what you'd refer to the North American hazelnut, which are actually two. Two different varieties, $5 a pound. Okay. And the filbert is like the cheaper one, no.

Yes. Because I guess they like rebranded filberts to hazelnuts to have them sell better. At some point this year, I learned that Turkey. Turkey is the biggest competitor and they set the price for hazelnuts. And this year something happened. Where?

Turkey.

Turkey.

Oh, turkey, the country. Right.

This year something happened, and they don't have as much of a yield. So the Oregon hazelnut farmers are going to do better. He was also putting in a drip irrigation from a government grant, and he was showing us that he was excited about it. And later, when we learned more about irrigation, I asked about these government grants to help put in drip irrigation, because the farmers were all going on and on about how, like, it saves water, you know, there's less evaporation. The grants were part of Biden's inflation Reduction act, which was killed by Doge.

What?

And of course, the person I talked to was like, yeah, we just need our own farm bill. Like, we just want to be separate. We just want to have our own farm bill. We don't want to be part of, like, politics. We should just have our own farm bill for more drip irrigation grants. Because I guess it was tacked on to the Inflation Reduction Act.

Everything is political.

Yeah, everything is political. Exactly.

Like, to have your own farm act is a political thing, right?

Yeah, totally. We went to a hops farm and we are on the 45th parallel. Apparently that's where hops grow best. Oh, this was like a young farmer. He was married, had kids. I sat with them at the dinner. At the end, they left early because their kids were, like, bored. And I was jealous. It was just. It was cool to see such a young person, you know, because we'd just seen a lot of old people all week. He had some modifications in the hop factory to help with labor and having it be less labor intensive. Like less lifting of bags and moving of things in ways that are bad for people's backs because he had done that work. So he was like, investing. And it gives a better production when it's faster because you're not breaking your back.

Interesting. Like, is that like automations and stuff like this?

Yeah, just like machinery you have to buy, you know, that costs a bunch of money, but then it's like, worth it for your production and also for your labor. Your humans. Yeah, your human beings. As I sit here with a heating pad on my back, there's been a decline in hop. In the hop industry and hop farming lately. And a lot of hop farms you might see are empty if you live around me because of the decrease in craft beer consumption. And a lot of people are kind of talking about that. Like, kids today don't drink beer. They all drink, I don't know, Red Bull vodka. I'm not sure what kids drink.

Kombucha, Vitamin water, I think they were implying.

Yeah, like, definitely, definitely Lacroix and those little mixed drinks.

Oh, White Claw, like White Claw, like.

That industry has destroyed the hop farms of America. So.

Well, but like, what about the, you know, the other industries that provide the bubbles for the Lacroix and the potato that go into the alcohol? I don't know. I actually don't know where the. Where the alcohol from White Claw comes in. But it's a one for one.

No, exactly. Everything comes from somewhere. So the next place we went was definitely the highlight of the week. We went to a winery and I had toured wineries. But you don't understand. This whole week we're on a bus, we're staying in a dorm. I don't even have my car. Like, I barely have my car. When we get back, I can use it for like 20 minutes before bed. So I'm just stuck this whole time, not able to buy wine. So we went there, we toured the winery. The owner showed us where all the different grapes grow. And they grow typically on the sides of hills. I thought it was for the best views, but it's good for the grapes, you know, so they were growing a bunch of different white. Great white wine grapes and also Pinot, because that's what is mostly grown in the Willamette Valley for Pinot Noir.

Is Oregon known for having good wines?

Yeah, Oregon, Yeah. California. We have a similar climate here as the south of France. So it. It's good for growing wines. And when I.

Those are my eyes rolling as well, in case you didn't notice or hear that. Those are my eyes rolling.

Why would I live here if it wasn't for the climate? I don't even know anyone that lives here. I bought four bottles of wine more than anyone else. But I bought wine for our hosts because we had to go spend the night with a farm family. And that's all they told us. Like, you're going to go spend the night with a farm family and they're going to drive you. So my anxiety is like, are you kidding me? Like, someone's gonna come pick me up, take me to some farm in the middle of nowhere, and I don't even have my car. Well, I'm at least gonna have four bottles of wine. We stayed with a family that owns a dairy farm production and makes ice cream and also has shops in the area. But it was. It was nice there. Like, we had dinner and. And their daughter, who ran the dairy plant, joined us. She shot down my amazing idea for an ice cream.

Ooh, tummy.

So they made. Or they used to make soy delicious back in the day.

Oh, yeah, Yeah. I ate so much of that stuff.

And then now they do a coconut one because they can. They only have enough dairy to do ice cream two days a week, and then the other days, three days, they do non dairy frozen desserts, as they'll call them.

We have the dairy industry to thank for that.

Yeah. My idea was an ice cream with adaptogens and like lion's mane mushroom.

Okay.

And my reasoning is I just bought a case of water that was called like Joy with lion's mane mushroom for no reason except it said that.

Right.

And like, the host, she was talking about this stuff she puts in her coffee that's like mushroom coffee, that's a bunch of different mushrooms. And she's like, oh, I'm gonna put it in your coffee tomorrow morning. So I was even pointing to the mother, like, you know, she's falling for it. I'm falling for it. I have so many, like, the recessed drinks I buy that are strawberry rose flavors. They have magnesium or something.

And you want to get those people who like, maybe won't buy ice cream, you know, but because it's like. Or are hesitant to buy the ice cream. But if there's an adaptogen in it, if there's lion's mane or ashwagandha or whatever.

Yeah.

Then they'll buy it.

Yeah. And she's. She kind of blew it off. Like, no, that's too expensive. And I. When I was looking at the drink I bought and the last ingredient was lion's mane, and the one before was salt, and there was only like 5 milligrams of salt. So there's less than 5 milligrams of Lion's Mane in the drink. I don't know how much that is, but it doesn't seem like a lot. And I just think because, like, back in the day of like soy delicious, it's kind of like, I'm healthy, but I want ice cream. And there's these people who are just want to live. Like, they want to feel like everything they're doing is healthy. So if you. Yeah. If you throw or just say it's relaxing.

Just wait. In, in like a couple months, you will see that on the grocery store shelves from that company and you'll, you'll be able to sue them for stealing your idea.

I, I gave them the idea. So as long as, as long as everyone gets that.

Did you sign, did you sign something with them?

I was like, here, take this idea. I'm just. Would want an apology that she blew me off about it and her to come groveling back and saying, yes, that was a good idea. I think even like someone in their family works in the wellness industry and like, sells that kind of stuff too, so they already have a connection. Anyway, then we went to this seed stock cattle ranch.

I can, I can hear the dog snoring.

Arlen. Oh my God, how long is he snoring? Ireland Swampy. Come here, come here. You gotta put your seat pap on.

Oh my God. Does he have.

No, no, he needs. Then we went to a seed stock cattle ranch and apparently, like, no one understood what this lady was selling to. Like, we got on the bus to leave. Like, the teacher had to like, explain was one woman and she ran the whole thing herself. And she was quite, she was a lot older. And she would run the cows through these like, machines to get them all lined up to get them in. Like the semen extracting machine. I don't know. But she, she ran the whole operation herself. So that was kind of interesting to see. So the seed stock cattle rancher, she explained to us that cows are good for the environment.

Why? What was her reasoning?

Because their poop fertilizes the grass that they eat and puts microbes in the soil.

I mean, like, cows produce a lot of methane.

Yes.

Have you seen the documentary cowspiracy?

No.

Long story short, it's just about how no one is taught how no one is talking about the cattle industry and how bad that is for climate change. And everyone's just talking about greenhouse gases from anthropogenic, like human, you know, cars, oil, gas. And the whole, like, premise is that there's this like, conspiracy of people that like, don't want to talk about the farm industry and how it, it contributes to global warming and climate change. But the thing is, is that I feel like it's a little bit flawed because, you know, cows eat carbon materials that have been stored in the atmosphere during the life of that, you know, of the grass, for instance.

Yeah.

And then, you know, the methane and the, the, the greenhouse gases that are emitted get reinjected back into the Atmosphere, but it's, you know, in the. It's in the current carbon cycle. Theoretically, everything that is released by them has previously, you know, not so long ago been absorbed versus oil and gas industry, where it's fossil fuels, where it's, you know, carbon that's been stored from like millions and millions of years ago. Documentary was so upsetting because the filmmaker didn't differentiate between fossil fuels and like just regular carbon, like carbon emissions from carbon cycle.

Because I think that's the stance that a lot of the cattle people I met had. We went to a greenhouse and nursery that supplies a lot of plants to stores around here. But one of the people that worked there, I think it was a manager, was talking about how they've been reducing their use of pesticides by doing what you've talked about, John. Finding beneficial insects. Like they just started with a parasitis parasitic wasp. And I thought that was interesting because while they weren't organic, or maybe even they weren't even trying to become organic, they still wanted to reduce that.

Yeah.

For their, you know, for the environment, for their workers. It was kind of a younger guy who went to osu, I think, and studied agriculture, who was bringing in those. Those ideas.

I'm not like an agronomist or anything, so I don't really know. But there's like ipm, Integrated Pest Management, which is kind of an approach which uses a mix of everything, like organic methods or less environmentally noxious methods with PET using other pests and also using pesticides, but as like kind of a last resort sort of thing. So maybe that's kind of that approach where it's like they, they just, you know, they go through maybe like some sort of pyramid of different pest management techniques where the last resort is the pesticides. But because they do that, they're not organic.

Yeah. And I think also the farms next door weren't organic. And I saw that at a farm around here also. And if your next door farms aren't organic, depending on how much land you have, you're kind of, you know, you can't become organic or labeled organic. We visited the place at OSU where they have different kinds of bees, and they showed us the different beehives and talked about how if you move a hive three feet.

Yeah.

The bees won't find it, but if you move it three miles, they will. So you can't move. Yeah. You can't move them around.

And how does that. Why is that.

Or you can. I have no idea. Just like they're, they. They go crazy if you just move it, like, three feet and they swarm where it was, but if you move it very far, they can find it. And you only move bees at night, like, when you're moving them to different farms. And that was pretty cool to see. It was a rainy day, so there weren't a lot of bees out, so we didn't get stung or anything. And then they had us taste a bunch of honey, which was fun. Meadow foam. Honey was really good.

Meadow foam?

Yeah. It's this plant we kept seeing. It's like a white flower. It tasted like. The finishing taste was like, toasted marshmallow.

Cool. That sounds like a really fun experience.

Altogether, it was a good experience, which is really hard for me to say because I love complaining. Now it's time to grab a mug, pick some herbs, and spill the tea. Garden tea.

Speaking of complaining.

Yeah, John, do you have any tea for us?

This episode to continue from my last. I think I. I forget when it was, but I was talking about dating and this whole kind of habit stacking where, you know, you line up your dating with kind of other objectives that you have in your life and what you want to do. And so recently, there was this person that I had seen a few times, and I have this cherry tree outside that's, like, so tall, and I can't get. Like, there's so many chairs I can't get to. And so I was like, you know, he lives just up the street. So I was like, he probably has, like, equipment on, like, so I was just kind of texting him to be like, he, like, do you know how. Like, do you know how to cut, like, a cherry tree? Like, I'm not really. And he's like, oh, yeah, of course. Like, we can do it in the fall. Like, I'll. Like, I'll. I'll help you. Like, I have all the tools for that, you know, like. And. And then, unfortunately, I received another message, you know, a few days later, which was basically like, I'm sorry, I have to cancel our next plans because I want to take a step back and just, like, I need to focus on myself or blah, blah, blah. I don't know, like, you know, tiny little violin, like, whatever it is that he needs. And so the first thing that I thought of is, like, who's gonna. Who's gonna cut down my. Who's gonna trim my cherry tree?

That's the problem you get into when you have it stack people.

Yeah. You can't really control for that.

Yeah. I mean, Nathan and I have been talking about Finding that throuple. Yeah, our throuple. We keep talking about fantasizing about that third person who's gonna come clean the house if you're out there. Please email plantslungspottmail.com.

So what's your. What's your garden tea? Do you have any for us?

Not tea, but just an update on the tree I hate that's on my neighbor's yard and leaning onto our house and, you know, trying to tap my roof with its branches. There's a hawk's nest in it. And, you know, my husband loves looking at those little baby hawks in his little, like, one eye binocular. I forget what you call that. And so he's been out there looking through it, like, taking pictures. I got home the other day and I'm like, exhausted and busy and I'm going to water out in the front, and I walk through the gate and there's like a little bird head on the ground. Yeah, just the head. And then there's like a spine. And I'm like, oh, my God. One of the hawks fell out of the tree and died.

Oh, my God.

But I panicked because usually something gross like this I would leave for Nathan to clean up. Right. But I felt like, oh, I just want to clean it and get rid of it. So he'll never know that one of his little hawks, you know, died and was decapitated. And there was like a wasp in its head eating its brain. It was a whole thing.

Yeah. You want to save him from that?

Yeah, because he, like, loved them. He was so obsessed with them. So I went and got the dog pooper scooper thing. I put a bag in it and dug a little hole to, like, bury the bird debris. And I. I buried it. And then I took a little flower weed and put it on top. And I was gonna just have it already taken care of so he didn't have to look in its eye and tell him, like, what happened after. And so when he got home, I was waiting till, like, make sure he was like, you know, in the right headspace to hear it. So I told him about it, and he's like, how big was it? And I showed him with my hand kind of like the head was the size of a quarter. And he's like, that's not. That's not the hawk. They're way bigger than that. The babies are way bigger than that. And I was like, what? He's like, that's their food. They eat birds. And so there's. There's feathers all over my Yard now just everywhere. Every time I'm outside, there's more feathers. Like these things are eating all the birds.

They're not stopping. Oh my God.

Luckily, I haven't found any more bird heads.

So you spent all that time basically to bury this bird and give it like a rite ceremony when really it was just the refuse?

Basically, yeah.

So I'm burying like the garbage. Imagine like, you didn't tell him and you, you, like, kept it with you because you were like, you just didn't want to break his heart.

Yeah.

And you just like, it just ate at you like for like another 20 years. And you're on, like, he's on. You're on your deathbed and you're like, honey, I have to tell you something I've been holding with me this whole time. And then when you tell him this story, he's like, wait, what? No, that can't be. And, and, and that's, that's the moment when you finally know that you can just die.

Because I don't know the difference between a hawk and a fucking, like, songbird.

Chickadee. Yeah, I don't know.

So if you have any garden tea, send us an [email protected]. plant sluts with an S pod Gmail do. So, John, what plant slut are we spotlighting this week?

So this week it's primrose to kind of continue with the rose theme. In my personal opinion. It's cute and it's classy. It grows really well in shaded areas, and that's why I planted some.

You have a lot of opinions about what is like, classy and trashy for flowers. Oh, my God. Is this a new segment? How do you know if something's classy or trashy?

It's funny that you say that because I do have, like, really strong opinions about flowers, I guess. Okay. So classy to me has to do with like, for me, it's like delicateness and, and maybe flowers that are classy are ones that like, you kind of have to look at closely to appreciate. And trashy. I mean, what I would say is like, I say it in French even though, you know, even if I speak in English, I would call it like matant, which means like auntie, like, which kind of means like a bit like old fashioned and very like, cottagey, but like cottage, not like in the whole, like British cottage garden, but like cottages in like, I don't know, like your.

Like Cape Cod cottage, like coastal grandmother, or more like garish, like New Jersey.

Oh, garish.

New Jersey shore.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. That's so. That's it. That's totally it.

I have my mom and grandmother in New Jersey, and my. And my grandmother's in Massachusetts, so I can say those things.

Yeah, no, no. Hate mail to Jeanette for that, but you can send to me because I have no connection there, so. And, like, how I would describe it easily is, like, if it relies on, like, a bang, you know, like bright colors or, like, super obvious, like, inflorescence, you know, that. That type of thing. Then I call that kind of, like, I guess, garish or. Matt.

Interesting.

So I say that primrose is pretty classy because it's. It's very, like, you know, quote unquote. Like, it's kind of like a bit under the covers or, you know, like, it kind of, like, pokes out a bit. There's all different kinds of primrose. So I'm talking about the primrose, which is known as, like, the English primrose. It grows pretty. Pretty low to the ground.

Yeah.

It has these cute little white flowers that kind of poke up.

Does it have to be white, or is English primrose always white? We have a red primrose.

Primrose in general, there's a lot of different colors, and that's where it kind of goes into the more garish.

Oh, yeah, I just. I just looked it up.

The more garish.

Like, there's, like, pink, purple, so.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't. And even, like, those, like, double. There's, like, all these different, like, multicolored ones. Like. No.

Yeah.

It has to be classic. Classic white. English primrose are the best.

I have a question, because the primrose I have. That's red, has, like. It has, like, a lot of petals compared to the ones I'm seeing online, which these almost look like they just have, like, two layers of, like, four petals. But the one I had was, like, it was totally full. Does that make sense? Like, it had.

Yeah, I mean, it could be double. Like a double. A double, you know, where it has two layers. And that's kind of like a mutation that you find a lot of in varieties that are, like, ornament grown ornamentally, you know, like, just because it looks more showy. But there's also, like. So primrose itself is, like, a huge group. So it includes. So it's. Primulaceae is the. Is the family. The family is gigantic. It includes mostly actually tropical. Tropical species. So apparently the birthplace of the family primilaceae is Southeast Asia. There's also like candelabra, candelabra ones which are. Which have, like, they're not low to the ground. They kind of grow up quite high. And those are. Those are also used a lot in ornamental gardens because they're showy.

It seems like you could tell what they are more from the leaf than necessarily the flower right away because the flower can look so different. But the leaves kind of always look the same.

Well, there is one that's called an oak leaf primrose, which has a leaf that looks like an oak. Like it's, you know, it's. It's sharply cut like that. But generally. Yeah, I mean, the leaves are kind of crinkled.

Yeah.

I would say, like, they look really crinkly and actually they're edible.

Oh, they look like kale and they're edible.

Yeah. Yeah, you can eat them.

Have you had one?

No, no, I've never. I don't know. I can't bring myself to. To snap one off and eat it.

But what if we just went in our yard and ate everything that was edible and had a little taste? There's so many things that are edible but that I would never eat.

There's lots of violets that are growing, like, lab. I think the variety is like Labrador violet. It just kind of grows naturally. And I did one day in the spring kind of go out and like snap some off and like, toss it into my salad just to actually pretty much to see if I had a reaction, you know, because that' they say is like when you eat something for the first time, is that you should probably eat a. You should eat a little bit first and only eat that. And that way, you know whether or not you have like a negative adverse reaction, because these are things that you're putting into your body for the first time. Right. Like, for most people at least back to like kind of the flower, you know, identifying by the leaf and the flower. There is something really unique about the primrose flower. And in the plant slut tradition, I'm going to talk about it in a very sexual way. So technically, each flower of the primrose is bisexual, or actually, I think. I think they're interchangeable, but. Or they're Herman Frightite. So it means that they have both stamens and carpals. So they have both of the, you know, penis and vagina. But yeah. Okay, here's where it gets kind of interesting. They are Heterostylus, which is also known as poly polymorphic. So they're poly oh, my goodness. And yeah, I mean, who said the plant world is tame and boring, right? So it gets, like, super kinky that each individual plant bears either pin flowers or what's called thrum flowers. So pin flowers are like the penis. Thrum is. I mean, I like to say it's the anus, but you can also say it's the vagina however you please. Each plant has all of their flowers as having that. Right. It's not just like each flat, because sometimes you have, you know, flowers that have, like, male and female on the same plant. Right. But the entire plant will only have either a penis or an anus. And fertilization can only take place between pin and thrum flowers. So you can't have. No, like, you can't have penis on penis. You can't have, like, button. But, like, it's got to be, you know, pin to thrum. And it's kind of like a bit different than sex because it's not. It's not like a sex. It's actually like a genetic phenotype.

Like how you would call a tree male or female.

Exactly, exactly. Each flower will still give a seed whether or not it's like a penis or an anus. Maybe penis then is not the right. Maybe then penis shouldn't be the right thing. But. But like, yeah, each flower will still produce a seed regardless of whether or not it has, like, the penis or the anus variant. When I was doing all the research, I was like, wow, that's so fascinating and not boring at all. And, like, super. I don't know, I kind of like. I kind of feel like even closer to primrose.

So would you say, like, primrose are tops and bottoms?

Yeah, they're like switch. They could. They're like switches.

So on their grinder profile.

Well, hold on, let me think about that, actually, because. Because one, I would say regardless of whether or not they're tops or bottoms, they still have that femme energy, you know, because they'll. Because they'll give birth to seeds. I don't know where.

Are they using other plants to pollinate or is it their own flowers?

Well, it has to be flowers from a different genetic variant, right? My original primroses actually came from distinct plants. I didn't, like, divide them and multiply them. So I should actually go and take a look to see, like, which ones are this. Yeah, it's an evolutionary mechanism to encourage diversity so that they don't end up fertilizing themselves. So it's just like, it's Interesting.

I think we should, like, I don't really understand. I don't have a total understanding of all the complexities of how plants pollinate. So it'd be interesting as we go to keep talking about each plant's specific way of pollenizing, because that would be a good highlight for all of them.

Yeah. Actually, I have this really good book called Botany for Gardeners, which I found is really helpful because it's basically Botany 101, but written in, like, the gardener's perspective. So it's like, things that you end up seeing and, like, it just made sense like it was. It's a really good book. I would recommend. If you want to sponsor us, please, by all means. Yeah. Yeah. And also, what I found interesting is similar to. I know we talked about it with the Bloodroot. The seeds have a sac that's. Oh, my gosh.

It gets dirtier and dirtier. John.

The seeds have a sweet sac that are attractive to ants. And so ants will then grab the seeds and bring it to their nest. Or what do you call a. Yeah, an ant nest.

Right, an ant farm.

No, an ant nest.

Hill. I think it's a nest.

Okay. An ant.

An underground nest.

They'll bring it to the ant nest and eat that, you know, that sweet sack, and then leave the, you know, the seed in their refuse pile. And that's how it would reproduce. And they also, when they. When the seeds split apart, they release seeds in what's called, like, a ballistic. So they just kind of, like, spread everywhere. You know, it just makes a total mess. It just erupts everywhere. You know, you got to, like. You got to clean the sheets after that. I really hope my parents don't listen to this.

I will not send the link to anyone I know.

You can also spread them by dividing them in the fall. Yeah. So they'll. They'll produce little kind of tiny rosettes that you can kind of split off of the main parent and then spread around. Yeah.

Oh, I should do that. I need to write that down for the fall because we have a tiny one in the front that I said is, like, red. And Nathan, really, every time it blooms, he's like, oh, the primals. He's very excited about it. But it's just, like, one little plant, so that would be cool. To divide it.

You have to send me a picture of itch in it, because I want to be able to judge whether or not it's, like, garish or classy.

Yeah. It's very small, if that helps. But it is red. I bet you Nathan has a picture of it, like, on his phone. It's probably like his background.

So what is it, like? So in terms of the more like, folkloric and symbolic stuff around primrose, were you able to find anything? Do you have any information on.

Yeah, so primrose is feminine, but I feel like we kind of already figured.

That one out, right?

Yeah. And its planet is Venus, which is like the planet of love and beauty. So you can see why primrose would have that. The element is earth, which I don't really know how you would determine that, but.

Yeah. Like, aren't all plants just earth elements? Because they kind of grow in the.

But then, like. But bloodroot being fire and lemon balm being water made sense, so. But I don't really understand the earth element in general.

In astrology, primrose is mostly evergreen. So even in the winter, if they're covered, at least here in Canada, in Zone 6A during the winter, it'll still kind of keep its green. If it's well covered, maybe that's. And it's the first flowers to come up in the spring.

Yeah.

So maybe that has a lot to do with the earth element, is that it's, like, quite rooted in the earth.

Yeah. And. And so it's roots stay alive, like, in the earth constantly. One thing you can do, one, like a little folklore trick tips, and trick is carry it around to cure madness. I guess that was a thing people used to do. I think I should carry one around. No. Or just like, you know, stick one in your. In your mom's purse. No. And then some symbolic meanings for it. When you're giving it to someone or if you're using it for, like, witchcraft, it can mean frivolity.

Okay.

So being frivolous happiness or modest worth. And that makes me think it's just, like, modest. Like, it's like a little less than a rose. It's a primrose.

Yeah.

Do you think it's, like, modest?

Yeah, I'd say it's modest. Unless you get those really, like, you know, showy ones. I think it's, like. I think it is probably the most modest thing I have in my garden. It's shy.

All right, John. So Nathan had the picture on his phone. As I suspected. I sent it to you. So I'd like you to rate our primrose. Trashy or classy?

Oh, okay. I like this. I like this game.

I want to add this to every episode now.

Oh, okay. Classy.

Oh, yeah.

I think it's. I Think it's classy and I'll tell you why. So maybe I'll first describe it. So it is kind of a double. A double flower in that it has multiple layers. Yes. Okay. So that does kind of make it look a little bit more showy, but I think it's, like, actually still quite subtle. It's, you know, it has a yellow center, which I think is actually common across all of the primroses. But yeah, I think it's like a really dark, almost maroon kind of color. I don't. Jeanette, you're actually better with colors than I am. So is that. Would you say that's maroon, maybe a.

Little maroon, or just like a very deep, deep red, blood red kind of color?

Yeah, it's like. It's really pretty. It has a really pretty color. Yeah. Deep. Okay. Classy.

Nice.

So do you have any seasonal reminders that you have for. For listeners?

It's July and. Okay. I'm on a lot of gardening subreddits and some things can get too much sun and, like, in peak heat, like having sun shades. And if you're having trouble with something and it's. And you know, it's getting, like, more than six hours, even if it's something that's supposed to love sun, like tomatoes. Give it a sun shade. It's been really helping my San Marzano tomatoes to have an umbrella come up a couple hours a day.

You're what?

San Marzano tomatoes. How do you say it?

I'm just teasing you. I'm just teasing you.

What is it? No, tell me the right way.

My Italian is really bad, but it's like San Marzano.

Oh, okay. I just didn't say it with the accent. San Amazano.

It's very. I'm like, do I want to get into this? Yeah, but. But like, it's. There's this phenomenon in American English where whenever there's an import word, you apply this, like, similar rules to it. So, for instance, like taco pasta. San Marzano. And so you like you. Regardless of what the. The original pronunciation is, it's kind of applies that. So it's because it's like San San Marzano.

And I said San San Marzano. But it's fine.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

No, it is fine. I don't even like tomato. Snow. Just kidding.

Jeanette and I have a history of criticizing the way each other pronounces things.

And then we lived, like, all over the world and, like, you know, living in Japan, where they pronounce English words in such A weird way. And you living in Vietnam. And do you think we've gotten more tolerant?

Tolerant? Sure. It still registers, like. And maybe a little bit more when someone has a certain way of saying something or a certain accent. It's like, in my head, I'm like, whoa, what's that? Whoa? Like.

But it's interesting because you always know the reasons behind it or, like, the pattern that they're following. Not just, like, you said that wrong. It always. I mean, just now you had a big explanation.

Yeah, right. I always want an explanation for things.

God, I remember you and Moto in Japan, just talking about language, really, for hours and hours. I was like. You're like, oh, well, in French, it does this. In English, it does this. And he would be like, in Japanese, it does this.

Yeah, that sounds like me. Even though I have no recollection. Okay, so your seasonal reminder. Shade.

Sunshade.

Yes, sunshade. My seasonal reminder fertilize, especially if you have containers. Especially if you have a container garden. So this is something. And I say this because last year I didn't fertilize as much as I should have, and because with container gardens, you're often watering more. Right. Because they dry out more quickly. And when you're watering more, you're actually like, you know, the nutrients will dissolve and, you know, it'll. It'll flush through. Through a lot of the nutrients. So you have to kind of replenish that. So I think what I'm trying to do is fertilize every two weeks with a little bit of chicken manure pellets. Or, you know, like, I have a. I have other kind of formulations, like, depending on if it's flowering or if it's still in its main growing phase. But generally it's like chicken manure pellets every two weeks.

And my reminder would be. I need to write it down somewhere where I fertilize. I don't know why. Every time I do it, I think I'll remember it was this date, because I don't know if it's been a week or two weeks yet. And then I'll wait an extra week.

I actually have a Google calendar that's called Garden.

Oh, my God.

I put when to fertilize, like, certain plants that I have.

Yeah.

And I have, like, when the last average frost date is the. You know, I have all those things in my calendar. Calendar. So I never have to ask. And including, like, seed tomatoes, transplant tomatoes, so that, you know, I. I have an idea of, like, what I did last year, what I should do. Actually, you know, I don't always follow it, so I should actually be having a notebook noting down when I do these things. Because, you know, when there's a good season, you kind of want to look back and, like, be like, oh, this is what I did differently. But standard, have a calendar where you put, you know, reminders of when you're supposed to fertilize.

Yeah.

Thanks for getting slutty with us, as always. If you liked this episode, send it to your plant friends. Email us with plants you think are slutty enough to be covered by us. And please rate star and share with a friend so our slutty garden can grow.

Bye, sluts.

Bye, sluts.