Hey, sluts. I'm Jonathan.

I'm Jeanette.

We're two old high school friends, current.

Geriatric millennials who took different paths living in different gardening zones.

I'm 6 8.

And I'm 42D. Sorry, I mean 8B.

But we eventually found ourselves in the same place.

On our knees in the dirt, obsessed.

With plants, ready to gush and bitch about gardens.

Think of us as your green besties.

We're here to talk about plants, but not in the usual pretty. Do this grow that way you may.

Know as much as we do.

Or you may not know the difference between choke berry and chokecherry.

Coming to you from Salem, Oregon, in.

The usa and a rooftop in Montreal.

Quebec, Canada, where plant slats.

Wear plant slats.

I feel like it needs a little more light haze.

Okay, wait. Okay, we have to count down.

Okay. Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

One, two, three.

Hey, sluts. My name is Jeanette. I grew up in South Florida, so I didn't really know what a season was until I turned 16. And who the hell are you?

I'm Jonathan. I definitely knew what a season was because I'm from Canada. So, you know, basically most of the year was winter, and then there'd be, like two months of warm weather. I actually really loved gardening from a young age. I had a garden when I was, I think, like 12 years old, which is kind of, I think. Well, it wasn't like many of my other friends. I think I was, like, the only one who had a garden. Like, Jeanette, tell me, like, what. What's your work experience in terms of gardens?

My professional experience when it comes to gardening is not much. I'm an amateur gardener, but I did work in the Home Depot plant section for about four years. Well, yeah, as a cashier, though, so I don't even think that counts. How about you, John? What's your, like, professional background or education in plants?

I would say I have no. No educational background in plants, basically, professionally. I send emails. I mean, the exciting thing is that I just left my job so I can spend the entire summer gardening, basically. Yay. My background in plants is basically just like, books and reading and watching YouTube videos. But actually, I have really exciting news that I didn't tell you, Jeanette, which is that I received news this morning that I got accepted to the landscape architect program at the University of Montreal. I don't actually know if I'm going to get it, if I'm going to, like, accept it.

That's so exciting. Weren't you drawing a portfolio for that?

Yeah, yeah, actually I did, yeah.

Oh, that's so cool.

I turned 40 this year. It's like very much my midlife crisis that I have applied to this program and I don't actually know if I'm going. If I'm going to actually accept it.

Something about turning 40. My brain chemistry changed and all I do is think about plants, talk about plants and garden. I love it because I don't even remember what I was doing before that. That's our gardening kind of experience. What about your sluttiness? I'm just kidding. What's your sluttiness background in education?

I don't know if that. That's more for like our only fans.

Yeah, exactly. We'll wait for that one until there's like a Patreon. We should introduce what our gardens look like, what kind of spaces we're using to plant stuff.

I live in Montreal. I have tiny little front yard and I have a little backyard in. It's about 25ft by 25ft. My dad would describe it as being overgrown in a bit of a jungle, but I think I like to think of it as just kind of like a little wilderness in the, in the city. Oh, and I have a rooftop. I had to replace the roof. It's a flat roof. It's typical in Montreal that most places have flat roofs. So while it was time to think about replacing it, I was like, okay, I need the like my dream roof. So I turned it into like a garden roof. Basically. It has a greenhouse and it has like a lot of different planters and whatnot with a lot of vegetables. Like, I really enjoy growing vegetables. I also have a community garden plot.

Oh, yeah.

So there's a community garden about a five minute walk from my house. And I waited five years on the list.

Wow.

And it took a pandemic to flesh out the waiting list. Let's say you have to think, like, what is the demographic of people that are community gardeners? Right. Like, who are the strongholds? Right. It's like those old nonnas and nonnos and babushkas.

You know, some good has to come out of a global pandemic. At least you know, you're getting a gardening spot and some gardening tea will be.

Yes.

The positives. Let's look on the bright side. This is gardening.

Tell me about your space. Like, what kind of space are you working with?

So my husband and I bought our house two years ago, kind of in downtown central Salem. The people who lived here before us, I want to say Tom and Jerry. But that's not their names, but it's something like that. They were, like, avid gardeners. So we moved in and just already had a beautiful garden. And it was very intimidating at first. We made lots of mistakes pruning things. It shouldn't have been pruned, and. But then we just kind of have gotten into the flow of the seasons of the garden that we have. But we have a big front yard, probably like 40 by 40ft. A lot of it's grass, but we're slowly taking that out and adding more plants. We planted an Italian plum tree in the front. John, you were there at the nursery when we bought it. We totally didn't know that we were supposed to, like, water them a lot when you first plant them, so we really thought it was going to die. But luckily, we have some plums started. They're on. On the tree now. And we also planted a fig tree in the front, and then in the back, there's some lawn. But the space I really enjoy is this, like, 20 by 20 foot. We kind of call it a paddock because it's fenced in with a little, like, gate. And I've been creating a garden there with vegetable beds. It's kind of wild, but a lot of medicinal plants.

Like a witchy, like, it's like your witchy garden.

It's my witchy garden. Yeah. We have a beautiful rosemary bush on the outside of our. Outside of our kitchen window. It's like, six feet tall and bigger than a person, actually. Speaking of witchy, when we looked at this house, I loved the house when we first looked at it, like, with the real estate person. And so when we were touring it, I. I saw the rosemary bush, and I was like, oh, my God, I love it. I want this house. So I grabbed a little piece of it, I pinched a little off, and I kept it, and I just kept it. I still have it to this day. And it was like, my hope to get the house.

You used it to, like, make a little spell, and that's what. That's what got you the house?

No, the spell was just taking it. The house wanted me because we actually weren't the first people accepted for it. The other. Your Covid community garden story. The first person who. Who got the house lost their job suddenly. And so we were second in line. And so we got. We got the house. So dreams do come true.

I thought you're gonna say that they died of COVID and then you. You ascended.

Yeah, exactly. It was like the rosemary worked. Watch out.

Cool. I Didn't know that. I didn't know, like. So Tom and Jerry, they were a gay couple?

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, that's quite a big.

They're very old, like, much older. And so they moved with these friends of theirs, which were a lesbian couple or probably still are, I don't know. And they moved to a farm in Washington.

I hear for, like, lesbians, it's really. They go back and forth, Right.

If they're still alive or not.

Between being lesbian, bi, strange.

Oh, no, that's not what I meant. I just meant maybe they're all dead. It's been two years and they seemed, you know, they went out to the farm. I don't even know. That might have just been a euphemism. They might have all died. Killed themselves anyway.

Well, yeah, like gay men. That's quite a big bed to fill, to be honest. To. To inherit a garden from, like a gay couple.

Yeah, it's. Exactly. And. And that. That. Thank you for appreciating what I'm going through with that. I'm gonna try some segments for our little podcast here. First, Gripes and grapes. Each episode we want to share a garden gripe. Like any problem or annoyance. And also if we have a gardening grape or anything positive.

Yeah, you go first. And I just have. I only have a grape. I'm like, really positive person.

All right, so my grape is very simple. It's just two words. And if you're in Oregon, you might know. Or the Willamette Valley. Clay soil. Mother effing. I don't know where else they have it because I've only really gardened here, but I looked up at the OSU website, Oregon State University's website, like their article on how to amend clay soil, and it's like, you just can't.

I'll tell you who else has clay soil, actually. I feel so ignorant, but, like, I was gonna be like, the United Kingdom, but then I realized probably not the entire United Kingdom, but exactly where. Monty Don from Gardener's World Gardens, which is. I don't know if you know, Jeanette, what Gardener's World is.

I do not.

This 50 year running British show. And I think for the last, like 10 or 15 years, even Monty Don is the host. If there's anything to take away from it, it's that he's constantly amending his clay soil and he is constantly complaining about it. Yeah, it's probably been 10 or 15 years at least that he's amending the soil on camera and he's still amending that Soil so well, and, and that's.

What the article said is you have to just put compost on it constantly and you can't actually change the makeup of it because like molecularly clay does not go back to not being clay. So even if you like put sand in, you're just mixing sand in clay.

You'll just have like clay chunks and like sand.

So that's my gripe and I will continue to gripe about it maybe for 15 years on. I don't know, like that guy. But.

Well, this. Yeah, I mean, didn't we just sign a 15 year contract for this podcast?

That's right, yeah. With our, our podcast studio, Sony Podcast Inc. Wait for the ad break here. Pause for ad break.

I guess my grape is just about the availability of chat groups. So there's this neighborhood chat that I'm part of called Gapers and there's these spin off groups about it. There's one that's on solidarity housing and another one that's on a caravan or something like this of folks who put together food and distribute it to the unhoused population in the neighborhood. And there's one that I discovered today which put out kind of like a call for, oh, does anybody want to share harvests or plants or whatever? Let's start a new group chat about this. Someone basically said, oh, we already have this and sent me the link. And then I like, you know, because Signal uses, I guess, links to join a lot of groups. I don't really know. Signal is really something that I think people who use Signal are those people who are kind of like peppers and.

Oh, okay.

I don't trust corporations. I mean like, I don't trust corporations.

I've never heard of it.

Oh, okay. Signal is basically like, Signal is basically like what people use if they don't trust Meta. And what are the other companies like? Meta and I don't know, BlackBerry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know what the other companies are. Microsoft, Instagram, but that's Meta.

Yeah, it's all just meta.

Actually my grape is basically like that. This, that this exists. And I am so excited because today I came home from the community garden with like, I don't know, like an entire hugging armful of onions, of Egyptian onions. And I actually don't really like onions. So I was like, who do I give these onions to? And now I have that group and I will be peddling my onions for trades. For trades use.

Did you on it? It's. You found it through Gabers. Yeah, so like gay neighbors. So Is everyone in the group gay, too?

Like, or, you know, LGBTQ or. Question, like.

Oh, yeah, that's what I meant.

I didn't mean, like, yeah, like every. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. They're not just, like, a bunch of gay men. That's called Grindr.

I meant, like, would it be, like, is it, like a shoot off of that or is it just a general neighborhood?

No, this.

It's like a shoot off the plan exchange.

Yeah, it's called, like, Gaber's, like, gardening chat or something like this.

The produce is better, a little bit better than its straight counterpart, probably.

Yeah, it's very, very niche.

Yeah. Your grape kind of reminds me of my grape, which was that when I went to water my plants this evening, my first tomato flower bloomed from the first tomato plant that I brought out. But, like you, I don't like tomatoes. And I have more tomato plants going than someone who doesn't like tomatoes should. So very excited.

Wait, wait, hold on, hold on. Because it sounds like you said that I don't like tomatoes, but correction, sorry, you don't like. I don't like onions. I'm Italian. Please don't say that. I don't like tomatoes.

No, not on the air.

My nonna will come and, like, hit the back of my head with a spoon.

You have an abundance of something you don't really eat. And I will have an abundance. And I'm very excited about something that I'm probably gonna make myself eat.

Interesting. Interesting. I like to explore this, but I think that's something. Maybe for another episode. We could probably do a whole episode on why you don't like tomatoes. Because I really want to understand that.

Well, I sometimes do. That's the weird thing. It's like phases. I don't like cilantro either, but I don't want to.

That's another thing, too. I have so much cilantro. I have so much cilantro. And I also gave it away, actually. I have a friend group, chat gay cilantro, and I put a picture of a whole bunch of cilantro, and I was just like, guys, someone take all the cilantro away from me, because I have no idea. I like it a bit. I'll chop a bit over a quesadilla or something like this, but not in the quantities that I. I actually ended up growing.

All right, so what we would love is if you're listening, if we have a listener, if you have any garden gripes or really, you know, special grapes, go ahead and send it to us in an Email. And our email is plantslutspodmail.com, is that correct?

Yeah. Plant sluts with an S pod gmail dot com.

Yeah, we'd love to use this segment to hear about your grapes. Your grapes. And maybe even give you some advice if we know what we're talking about, which is possible.

And the first person to send us an email will also be likely the first email we'll receive.

We can send them cilantro tomatoes.

Yes, I'll send you my cilantro.

So for our next segment, grab a mug, pick some herbs, and spill the tea. We're about to enter community garden tea. John, you said you had some community garden tea for us.

Yes, I mean, Jeanette, when. When we were talking about this segment, it's like, this is the thing that came to my head. So buckle up, because it's time for the juiciest segment and the most exciting segment I think, of this podcast so far in the first, like, 25 minutes or 30 minutes or whatever we're at. So I had a little situation recently. Let's say it involves Grindr Community Gardens and some really strong opinions on reciprocity.

Okay.

Okay, let me set it up. So picture this. I met this guy. It's Montreal, so we'll call him Jacques. But that's not. I'm, you know, that's not the real name. I'm just, you know, for confidentiality and privacy and, you know, to avoid all of, you know, like, our fans doxxing this guy.

That's why we call me Jeanette.

Right, yeah, of course. No, that's not. I almost had your real name earlier. It almost slipped.

Yeah.

So I met this guy Jacques on Grindr. It turns out he's also a member of my community garden. There's a bit of a twist in that. I was actually a lot more interested in his ex boyfriend than him. I chatted online with his ex boyfriend while they were still together. Messy, I know, but that's kind of like what it's like these days, right? Like, people being a bit more open, sexual, slutty, I guess.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

That's a plant slut.

Jacques was intense. He was that kind of guy, you know, that, like, stared a bit too hard at you, you know, He's. He suggested on several occasions that we all hang out at times. So this was me and my boyfriend at the time. Jerry. Jerry and I were open. I can say that on here, right?

Okay. Are you gonna. I mean, that's a good fake name for him, but yeah.

Yes. No, actually, that's his real name. I don't. I. He's my ex, so I don't feel. I don't feel I'm gonna use his name. Okay, great. So there's nothing, there's no, like. So we were open, but Jerry just wasn't like, vibing with Jacques, to say the least. But we still see each other in the garden. You know, we'd like chat online every now and then. And then the usual community garden stuff. Like we shared harvest, we watered each other's plots when someone was out of town. You know, like friendly garden stuff. Then. Then I guess you could say disaster struck. Jerry and I were heading to Italy for a few weeks and I asked Jacques. I just sent him a text message saying, you know, like, could you water my plot while we're away? Things blew up. He accused me of taking advantage of him. He said he felt like I only reached out because I needed something. He brought up how we talked about having dinner, but I never was able to commit. He basically said that I just saw him as this garden guy and not a real friend. We had this whole text exchange that got like pretty heated. He said I didn't put in enough effort, that, quote, friendships don't grow out of favors.

I would say you, you, you know, you saw who he really was and you're better off. But it sounds like you would have been better off if he watered your plants.

What to say, you know, like, I didn't know what to say. It's like, this is just how French. I honestly, like, in being a 40. How do people make friends? I don't know, but sending them messages. Yeah, about this, about how they're not, you know, I hardly knew him, so now he completely ignores me in the garden. I run into him. I try. I'd like, you know, that kind of like sheepish, like wave, nothing awkward. I see him in the street. Like he lives just down the street from me. The worst part, yeah. Is that his ex. So the guy that I was, you know, originally interested in, now he is completely off limits because apparently, according to his ex, Jacques and I have, quote, a history.

What?

Yeah. So for ethical reasons, his ex does not want to, let's say, date me anyways. I just wanted someone to water my freaking tomatoes, you know. And now there's this like soap opera in the garden on Grindr.

Whatever the complexity of the post pandemic gay community garden is, so. It's so hard. They should post signs, rules.

I like offered my harvest to him in exchange. It wasn't like one sided. I Said you can take. We were gone for three weeks. You know how much stuff ripens in three weeks? In the heat of. I think it was like, June.

And if anything, you would have been in debt to him so he could ask for, you know, favors, or you.

Sexual favors.

Sexual favors. Regular favors. Half of your bounty that could have been away if he really was interested in hanging out, quote, unquote or whatever. So is it super awkward now when you go there? Are you always looking over your shoulder?

Yes and no. Because I also, I know that his living room window opens onto this alleyway that I always take going back home. And I'm always, like, kind of proudly walking with my harvests in front of it. So it's like. Yes, it's, like, awkward when I'm arriving at the garden, but coming back, I kind of feel, like, proud. Like, you know, this is what you're missing. Like, I'm like, I'm cool. I have a garden. Look at this. Like, look at all these onions that I walked home with today. You know, these could be yours.

They survived, but you didn't.

Yeah. Our friendship, our lack of reciprocity.

Well, and the X. He must have built it so much in his head. I'm wondering what his sign is. That kind of intense staring, building up this whole fantasy land in their head and then blowing up at you when you just are like, hey, will you water my tomatoes? That must be some sort of astrological sign thing.

Well, you know, I just don't know.

I. I don't know them well, but I know my sign. But that's it. If anyone else has any juicy garden drama, I don't know if you can top the the Grindr community garden hookup. Please, though, send it our way to plantslutspodmail.com we want to hear it. We want to read it. Let us know if we can or cannot include your name in the story or if we should change them to some French sounding anonymous euphemism. That's not the word.

Pseudonym. Pseudonym.

Pseudonym, yeah. Or if we should give you a French pseudonym, you're probably just gonna want one anyway. The first plant we'd like to highlight is probably the sluttiest one in my garden. It has a naughty reputation for spreading for anyone. This episode we're talking about lemon balm. You might have seen lemon balm. Or you can recognize it from its wrinkly yellow to dark green leaves. And if you rub your fingers on the leaves, your fingers smell like lemon.

And it's like, it. Did you say that it Spreads everywhere.

Yeah, it spreads everywhere.

Okay, well, that's interesting because this is this week I actually discovered that lemon balm had started growing in my community garden plots.

I know when my foster kid and I were out in the garden, he was moving something and stepping around or on the plants. I was like, oh, my God, Don't. Don't step on the plants. And he's like, oh, that's a real plant. And I was like, yes, yes. Well, they're all real plants, but it kind of. I don't know if it's my gardening style, but it had the appearance of just another weed. It is not. Yeah, so it is in the mint family. And that's why I inherited so much of it in my right garden.

When I moved here, I discovered that there's a trick to figure out if something is in the mint family, which is that all? Or I believe most, at least. But I think all mint would have a square stem. So if you take the main stem and you roll it with your fingers, if you kind of feel that it's square, then it's very likely that it's in the mint family. And I guess that means that you can also eat it.

Oh, nice, Jeanette.

So why would you. Why would you grow lemon balm?

It attracts pollinators. It does grow some small, light yellow flowers in the spring and summer. And you can also make a lot of things out of it. Teas, tinctures. It can help repel mosquitoes and insects in your garden. And you can just eat the leaves raw. So you can always think of it how you could use it in, like, fresh salad or a fruit salad. And you can cook with it in, like, chicken and fish dishes for that lemon like, flavor. People also use this scents for other things like candles and soaps, bath oils. If you want to grow lemon balm, you're gonna. You can put it in full to partial sun in good, fertile loam soil.

Loam?

Yes, loam soil, John, as we all know what loam soil is, I'll just move on. You want moist soil, but not waterlogged, which was good for me to know here because I want to keep it going throughout the summer. And I hadn't been watering it because in Oregon it gets really dry. And so I figured it was one of those, like, desert plants that'll just keep growing. But so now that I know that it needs some moist soil, I've been making sure I keep it moist. And it grows in pretty shady parts of my yard. You can propagate it, too, from from cuttings. You can grow it by seed or divide established clumps. I was out at the plant store after work. Other plant teachers. Well, we're not plant teachers, we're art teachers. But I was out with the. And she was gonna buy a lemon balm, and I was like, no, no, no. Let me divide and give you some established clumps tomorrow. So I brought in a bunch of ripped out from the yard. It doesn't need a lot of fertilizer, which is good because I have no concept of how to use fertilizers. I like it a lot because it's pest and disease free.

How do you usually store or keep your leaves for teas and stuff?

Funny story. I thought I could be a new, like, tea shop in my house and cut a bunch and just hang it up and leave it to dry and it would be perfect. And then the next day or like two days later, I go look at it hanging and there's black dots over every leaf. And I was like, oh, it. It just molded because I washed it first and then I hung it to dry and it just got super moldy. And that might be a little bit of the climate here in my house. So I do have to. I do recommend you dry it with, like, a dehydrator or in the oven on a low temperature. My problem with drying things in the oven is that I have never once remembered to get it back out. I have pulled out burnt orange slices, rose petals, like, you name it. And I have just. My husband goes to make dinner, and he's like, what. What. What are. What's all this? Is this your new potpourri? No, those are burnt chards of, like, 100 degree dehydrated flowers.

And why not use, like a. A timer?

Oh, that could be applied to every part of my life. Why not use a timer? I know I could because it's kind of like, oh, it's just drying out and then I forget about it. But yeah, a timer is a good idea. Thank you. I will do that.

Also, like a smoke alarm in case you don't have a smoke alarm.

Yeah, that too. Well, the temperature is so low, it just kind of sits there and gets crispy. But I'll try again.

Never know.

Right now it's also fresh that I haven't been drying any. So when you. You want to cut them back once a year to make sure you're creating new growth, because the younger leaves are more fragrant the older. The older leaves get, like, musty. Tasted. Tasting. And yeah, like, like us Exactly. You can harvest it when it's 6 to 8 inches tall. And if you want to.

I was gonna say something like. Yeah, like six to eight is like the magic. The magic size.

You can use your. Use your penis to measure if it's ready.

I'm choking on my water.

You can also. So if you are growing it, you want to. And you want to have good companion plants. Some suggestions that I found randomly on the Internet. Fennel, onions, apples, kale, broccoli, cauliflower, tomato, squash, Brussels sprouts. Really? Every single plant, it sounds like. Oh, yeah.

And is that because it. Because of its properties of chasing bugs?

Yeah, I think. I would think it's the. How much nutrients it takes from the soils and that it would be good to keep the bugs away. And you can grow it in zones 4 through 10. So I like to use it to make lemon balm iced tea. In the summer. If you're making an iced tea or even a hot tea, you can combine it with, like, lemon peel, lemon verbena, and lavender to make, like, a lavender lemonade. You can even add fresh lemon and honey to sweeten it.

I think I'm gonna try and do this then with my lemon balm, make like, a nice, like, iced tea, which I don't usually because I drink coffee. Like, it's basically an IV drip of coffee all day. But I. Then when I'm overly caffeinated, I always remember, like, oh, yeah, herbal tea, especially in the summer, it's always nice to have, like, a big pitcher.

Yeah.

Of herbal tea in the fridge. And it impresses people.

It really does. It really does. And you can just have, like. Yeah. A pitcher of water with even a few leaves and have it, like, lightly infuse your water. If you don't like to drink just plain water.

Right. Like in place of a lemon slice or whatever.

Exactly, yeah. Do you have any experience with lemon balm, John?

Actually, like, two weeks ago, during, like, a foraging. I'm taking a foraging class. And so every week we meet, like, in a different spot. It's like urban foraging. So every time we. Every week we meet in a different spot in the city. And last. Well, the first one, we actually met at one of the farms that of the organization that organizes these trips. And they were. They identified, pointed out lemon balm.

Oh, that's interesting.

That's how I was able to kind of, like, figure out that that's what it was in the garden. But, yeah, no, I. I made a tea out of it, and it was really delicious. And so now I'M I'm gonna start drinking it.

That urban foraging sounds fun.

The last one was actually pretty terrible because it was really cold and it was raining nice. And we met at Mount Royal park, which is, like, one of the big parks in Montreal. Like, it's in the center. It's kind of like in the middle of the city. And, yeah, I actually left 30 minutes early because I couldn't feel my hands anymore.

Oh, my gosh.

Because I was grasping the umbrella, and it was, like, cold and windy, and I just felt so arthritic. And I was like, I'm too old for this. And then left. Summer in Montreal, this season actually has been particularly cold. I don't know. We had, like, a bit of a heat wave, and then it just plunged into the, like, low digits.

Do you think that'll affect any of gardening? That it kind of did a little dip?

Yeah. Like, I can see the. Because I had already planted out my zucchini and my tomatoes and stuff, and I could already tell they're a little bit stressed, but they'll pick up.

Yeah. John, I need you to tell us some scientific shit about lemon balm.

Well, I'm really happy that you said that, because it turns out that I did a lot of research for this. Okay. So I'll kind of go over what I found. So, first of all, what is the official kind of Latin name? It's Melissa officinalis.

It's officially Melissa.

Yeah. Well, actually, it's kind of funny, because if you want to know a bit more about those names, it's like, knowing French really helps, because oftentimes the actual name of the plant is much more related to its official Latin name than it is in English. So Meliss is actually what it's called in French.

Oh, interesting.

I know of that word. I know people talk about that herb, and I didn't actually know that that was. Was lemon balm. So it's kind of interesting.

And that's why you're good at knowing the scientific names. Like, because you're.

No, it's because I'm smart and I have good memory.

Yeah, Well, I mean, because we were talking about poppies, and you knew that the. The poppy that makes opium because it was the word sleep. And I had no idea how you knew that. I just thought you spoke Latin or studied every night before bed. Okay.

But, yeah, it's. It's mostly because of the. The relationship with French. Like, I don't know. It's actually a lot better than in English, where. Yeah, the words sometimes have absolutely Nothing to do with it, and you have no idea what they're talking about. Before I go into this, play our disclaimer of any of the information that I'm about to say.

We're not doctors. We are the opposite of doctors. Consult with a healthcare professional before using lemon balm to treat any health conditions, especially if you are taking medications or have underlying health conditions. We are just two people who know how to press record on microphones. So please don't stop taking any or start taking anything because of what you hear us say. Thank you.

I did a bit of research and I found an article that was actually like a meta review of research that was done on lemon balm. So this is their conclusion, was that it actually has a lot of antiviral activity, antiviral properties, which seems to affect. I want to try and say it in a way where people aren't going to actually think it's medical advice, but apparently it can inhibit HIV. Likewise for, like, herpes and influenza and even SARS.

Covet19 and so are you saying before we become, I don't know, anti vaxxers or something, are you saying lemon balm does this or some very, like, molecule within lemon balm that you extract out, or is it like, oh, I ate a piece of lemon balm from my yard?

Well, that's, like, really interesting because I think that's a lot. Research didn't actually test on humans. So what they would do is they would take some of the active, like, like we said, so they would take some of the active ingredients and simulate it on a petri dish. So they would have, you know, like, I don't know, an HIV virus on the petri dish, and they would introduce some of the active ingredients that you find in lemon balm. And then, you know, there. There could be some promising reactions. Right.

Mm.

I think for most of the research, that's where that's at. They haven't actually done any kind of, like, real human testing.

Yeah.

And so on those active ingredients. So apparently these are them. So there's rosemarinic acid, caffeic acid, and a bunch of different other polyphenols. Polyphenols. Polyphenols. I don't actually know how to say that word. I don't think I've ever said it up. Polyphenols. Okay.

I don't know.

And those are, like, the main active ingredients that. That interact with the. With the virus. Yeah. I mean, there's. There's like some, I guess, promising avenues in the future. I mean, a lot of the right antiviral drugs have serious side effects. Endocrine disruption, like that's like your hormone at the hormonal level. So I think that, you know, obviously people want to find alternatives for it and.

Yeah, and I don't think it, it's. It's like, like saying like alternative medicine. It's more like they can then take those active ingredients, extract them, multiply them in a quantity that would be beyond what you would get in your. In your yard. Lemon balm. And then make a medication based on.

Those in the same way that like aspirin comes from willow trees. Willow bark. Salicylic. Salicylic. Like salicylic acid and that kind of stuff. All those derivatives comes from the willow tree.

But if I have a headache and I bite a willow tree, I'll. I'll feel worse.

Like you'll be ostracized by your community.

And the owner of the willow tree.

Yeah, the owner of the tree. So I think you're better off just taking an aspirin.

I will.

Or even like a Tylenol.

I don't know. Okay. Yeah.

Blood thinning issues.

Thank you. Yes. We are not doctors. Yeah. But it's interesting to hear that, you know, there are studies on lemon balm and, and its properties. And it's also interesting to hear how much we don't know and how it's still just being studied too.

Yeah. So I think you as being the kind of like witchy middle aged woman. Lady.

Oh my gosh.

I'm gonna have to say lady.

I have one. I have one gray hair.

Really?

It happened on my birthday when I turned 40. I looked in the mirror and I found a gray hair. It was very. It was just. It was like, hey, happy birthday.

So I think like as that, as that witchy middle aged lady, I would turn to you to kind of tell me more about like the folklore, the symbols, the mystical kind of properties of lemon balm.

Oh, yeah. We can know the scientific things and that it potentially has active ingredients that could treat viruses and antiviral. Or we, we could know that lemon balm's planet is the moon and its energy is feminine or its gender is feminine. Its element is water.

Yeah.

Some symbolic meanings. It can bring love, regeneration, social intercourse. Are.

Please describe what that is.

I think we're doing that right now with each other. This is, I think we're having.

This is social. This is consent, like consensual.

We're having consensual social intercourse right now.

I don't know if I These are.

Not things I've done, these are things I'm reading. It's, it's powers, healing, love and success. Now I know the healing part just from how we just talked about it, but love and success. There's some folklore around it though. Apparently Elizabethan Londoners would carry it around to sniff throughout the day to mask the stench of unsanitary filth in the streets. I think that's true of anything that didn't smell like stench. You could carry it to find love because you didn't smell like unsanitary stench. Apparently Arabian herb magic says that lemon balm can be used to influence love. You soak the herb in wine for several hours, strain and share with a friend.

Well, I know what I'm going to be doing on my next date.

Yeah, don't put herbs in wine and not tell your friends. I don't know if that's like to make your friends more relaxed because of the relaxing properties, but I don't think that's magical. I think that's non consensual herbal usage. And I'm looking at the Complete Language of Flowers, A definitive and illustrated history by S. Theresa Dietz that I got on the clearance rack at Barnes and Noble and it has every flower in the world including vegetables and of course Encyclopedia of magical herbs. But 90s Wicca classic by Scott Cunningham, which has the more far fetched uses like the planets. I'm not really sure what it means if it's a planet but.

Well, you'll have to do your research and report back on that.

Now that I think of it, I chose this plant first gender feminine. My planet because I'm a cancer is the moon and my element is water because I'm a cancer. So it's interesting that I chose this and was attracted to it. It, you know, having so many, so much in common with my sun sign. So I'll have to see what the plant you choose if it.

Yeah.

Is a Fiery Aries. Oh, I'll let you know.

Just thinking about it, I'm like it's highly likely.

Well that'll be really interesting. Suddenly the folklore segment isn't so strange.

Yeah. So on our scale of 0 to Xanax, what would you rate this?

Oh yeah. As someone who likes scales I would give this a two one zero to Xanax, two stars. How about you?

It's two out of five.

No, it's to Xanax. You'll know when you're there. Oh, any number.

I love, I love scales that don't mean anything.

No.

Yeah, well, well, so I'll tell you one thing that I found out is that, you know, like Gaba G A B A. It's like a natural supplement. Apparently it has a lot of that in it. Oh, I know this is anecdotal. I had some lemon balm tea and twice following it, like in the following days, I actually thought in my head that I was like very happy.

Oh, interesting.

Randomly like, you know, this is unfortunately, this is not something I often think about or it comes into my head. But yeah. And then afterwards I was like, wait a second, is that related to the lemon balm tea that I drank? So anecdotal. But I think for that reason I would give it like a four star.

Nice. Yeah, you're almost giving it a from zero to Xanax. You're giving it a Prozac because it's like that long lasting according to WebMD. I'd also like to add, and this is just according to the Internet and WebMD, the place that convinces you you are dying of cancer. Every symptom you have. They say lemon balm helps with depression. Known for those calming and soothing properties, aiding with stress, anxiety and insomnia. And it also, it does treat cold sores. It seems to shorten the healing time and reduce symptoms. And there's a couple ways you can do that. You can create a salve. Is that how you say it? Salve.

Salve. Salve.

Yeah. Okay. You can create a lemon balm salve. I think you can apply it right to it. Or you can buy lemon balm salves. And those should be good for cold sores if that's something you suffer from.

Thanks for getting slutty with us. If you like this episode, then it's your plant friends. Of course. Email us with the plants that you think are slutty that you want us to cover on the show. And of course, please rate star and share with a friend so our slutty garden can grow. Bye, slugs.

Bye, slugs.